It's going to be another one of those nights, I can just feel it.  One of those nights where the restlessness isn't full-blown, but still far from bearable.  One of those nights where your attention span shrinks to nothing, so there are so many things you want to do -- but, unfortunately, you don't have the patience to do any of it.  One of those nights that is destined to be an impressively colossal bust.

So I sit here in the...I don't even know what to call this room.  It's like a sun-room attached to the kitchen.  I wouldn't actually call it a sun-room, though. Either way, I sit here on my rejuvenated laptop (the same laptop I swore never to pick up again) typing aimlessly away.  I need to find a way back to where I need to be, where one could actually afford to take inspiration for granted because it was always just around the corner.

It wasn't too long ago when I had breathed the ultimate sigh of contentment and relief; I had "made it" and everything was going to be okay.  I had landed the perfect job -- it was within my field, it allowed me improvement in my skills and talents, and, again, it afforded me copious amounts of inspiration and drive.  The job wasn't perfect, far from it actually, but I was in the exact position I wanted to be at this particular point in my life.

Most importantly, I had stuck it to all the doubters and nay-sayers that had polluted -- and, I guess, continue to pollute -- my existence.  All those people who said that pursuing a career in the film & television industry (i.e. pursuing my dreams) was a bad idea, end of story.  Those people who never thought to offer any words of encouragement; who only chose to offer criticism that was always, always far from constructive.  I had stuck it to ALL of them; I had shown them all that I was stronger, more resolute, and greater than any of their previous assumptions and conclusions.  I had them all waiting for the fall that would never come.  More than anything, this self-validation, this resounding VICTORY, unfortunately would become the cornerstone to any future developments that would occur in my life.

I became complacent.  Maybe a little too proud.

The job disappeared.  It proved to have never really existed as I had seen it, and indeed validated everything the doubters and naysayers had been saying for close to 2 years.  The cornerstone was gone, and thus so was the resolution, the inspiration, and the drive.