I feel good tonight; I'm forcing myself to sit here at my computer and grind out this pitch bible. I have to put in the work .... there's no other way things'll happen for you.  I hope that everything works out for me; I'd hate to look back on my life, say, 20 years from now and feel unfulfilled for whatever reason.  I don't know if I would be able to live with myself.  Hence why I need to force myself to work through the stagnation and lethargy.

There was a Trebas film festival today. I didn't attend, technically because it was during the afternoon while I was still at work.  I honestly could have taken the day off -- my superiors would have had no problem with it -- but instead I made the conscious decision not to attend the proceedings.  Now to be honest, not going was kind of the right decision; I'm in a bit of a bind financially so taking time off of work wouldn't be very prudent.  However, to tell myself that that was the deciding factor would be a lie.  I just really had reservations about going to the film festival! It may have been the thought of seeing J's and M's films again, and having to relive the colourful chapter once more.  It could have been the thought of having to field multiple questions concerning my present employment status, and where it all went wrong, and lamenting over just how badly I got fucked over.  It could have been the thought of having to sit in a chair and observe how my peers are being so much more successful than I am at the moment.

Whatever it was, I was pretty darned certain I wasn't in any proper state of mind to brave those battlefields, so I kept my distance. Now, surely Wesley and the rest of the faculty will not be happy with my choice, but I'll deal with all of that when the need arises. Besides, I have an air-tight alibi.