I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that I miss how things used to be.  How they used to be a year ago. I was thinking about whether or not I was going to jot anything down in this notebook tonight, and it was at that particular moment that the nostalgia washed over me.  It was different this time around, though.  Usually nostalgic sentiments do nothing short of breaking my heart...but this time around it was more of a faint regret.  I guess that's a good thing, but I can't say that I'm completely certain of that.

I miss coming to this notebook everyday and expressing my love for J.  It was exhilarating; it was therapeutic; it was so full of hope and inspiration. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss being in love.  I want to, just once in my life, fall in love with someone and know, and be confident in the fact, that she's returning that love right back to me.  Heh, seems pipe dreams are all the rage this week.  I dunno, I don't want to seem pessimistic, but that seems to be to the only way to counteract all this wishful thinking that's been infesting my mind these days.  Too many times have I had to deal with crushing disappointments.  It just isn't worth it anymore, not when the payoff is nothing more than a gamble.